Local Rap Night

I can’t believe I’m still this fucking hungover, dog.

The local rap show is a magical place.


Do you guys have favorite local rappers? And don’t be on some bullshit like “I live in NY so Biggie’s my favorite local rapper” you know what the fuck I mean by local rapper. The first McDonald’s opened in San Bernardino, California but if I went down there and asked someone for the best local burger spot they better not fucking tell me fucking McDonald’s.

How about that authentic. You ever go to one of those restaurants where the tables and chairs and plates and cups and stuff don’t all match up, like they were all bought from a bunch of different sets or something? I love those places. I always feel like I just broke in to someone’s house during family dinner but I was so charming they invited me to stay anyway.

The local rap show is like family dinner.
Music scenes are kinda like big extended families anyway when you think about it.  Everyone kinda knows each other, but there’s levels to this shit (TM Meek Mill, all rights reserved) also. Like at the big family wedding you might be seated at one table with your brothers and sisters but you’re gonna go say hi to your cousins three tables over, too.

Also, much like family dinner, chances are you’re all drunk.


There was a moment last night when a cashier at 7-11 told me the Monteray Jack taquitoes weren’t ready yet. I mustered up my best Aubrey Graham and screamed “MUHAFUGAS NEVA LUVD US!!!!!” directly in his face. #WorstBehavior. If that cashier is reading this now then I want to apologize, but also only kinda.

It was local rap night, dog. I’m sorry you got caught in the crossfire.

The great thing about local rap night is everybody knows your name. It’s like Cheers if Cheers had 150 characters in it and they were all turned the fuck up and none of them were Frasier. I love Frasier but not on local rap night. Local rap night doesn’t fuck with Frasier.

When you invite me to your city don’t show me any stupid fucking statues. Take me to a restaurant with mis-matched cutlery and then take me to a local rap show.


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